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Caretaker

by Total Downer

supported by
milkboy squilliams
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milkboy squilliams High energy and powerful lyricism all over this thing whilst still fun and humorous. Arrangements and instrumental performance couldn't be any tighter too. favorite tracks are Taylor, dolly, Star rekt, Dr. Phil, shut up, thank you for listening, Luis, basically every song goes crazy hard. Best album I've heard in a LONG time. Favorite track: Taylor Lautner.
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  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Distributed by Just Because Records
    Only 80 copies available
    5 dubbed on old sermon tapes so you'll get some wacky old cleveland ohio preachers, not the cleanest audio tho
    75 clean on red tape

    Includes unlimited streaming of Caretaker via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 10 days

      $10 USD or more 

     

  • T-Shirt/Shirt + Digital Album

    Designed by Peter Kratcoski (instagram.com/peterkratcoski)

    Printed on Gildan Heavy Cotton! My personal favorite style shirt-- soft, but boxy and doesn't hug your bod tight! Try wearing it classic like Denise (pictured) or tie-dying it like Nia (pictured), looks so good that way too!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Caretaker via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days
    edition of 20 

      $20 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD  or more

     

1.
Stupid Smile 00:58
Was a pleasure to kill him Dreaming of it forever ripped his dick off and I made him swallow it 
He was watching me changing Naked, geeked out and cooing Shook my soul out cuz he said he really cared for me Local theatre comedian cue the sound of me screaming i was little so he filled me up with secrets remember when I was so sweet? 
Or seductive and naive? 
Now he’s croaking so I better get a trophy And I wish I told you I was drowning my childhood You never saw through
My stupid smile after all It’s always false Never bring this up to my mom She might think it’s her fault Maybe it’s true I’m just confused But it doesn’t change the stain, the shame, my blues
2.
Dr. Phil 01:31
I’ve been waiting for my major label deal I’ve been waiting for my dad to open up
 it's probably not gonna happen I don’t even know why I want it
 I’ve been waiting for my ducks to get in a row But it’d be easier if I was more of a jerk Like everybody else in the city Making a name for yourself in the city is hard as day old crusty maggot filled feel like such a mess, help me, Dr. Phil I don’t think anyone believes in me cuz’ I’m not who i used to be

 Daddy’s telling me I need to get a new job why do i need a job besides being so cute 
I know that I could invest in cryptocurrency But I just don’t care if I have any money
 it’s all just 
hard as day old crusty maggot filled feel like such a mess, help me Dr. Phil I don’t think anyone believes in me cuz’ I’m not who i used to be

 I’m not lazy or dumb I’m just trying to be someone who cares enough 
I have become commodified, why even try at all I’ve been waiting for my ducks to get in a row But it’d be easier if I was more of a jerk
3.
Dolly Parton 02:27
If I could build a time machine in my room, I’d go to 2042, I’ll prove to you the world gets better than we thought it could do I told you! There’s an affordable machine generates food It’s in every living room, it tastes good And every person has a home, it’s so simple Just hold through Cross my heart and ugly cry Religiously watch ‘9 to 5’ On my knees I scream her name Pray for when she saves the day Dolly Parton, give us money We’re no good, neither’s our country Dolly, you’re the business elite! If you don’t fix the system, well, it’s pretty much your fault Every sucky job is done by robots We’ve established universal living income You don’t even have to work unless you wanna Just hold through Cross my heart and ugly cry Religiously watch ‘9 to 5’ On my knees I scream her name Pray for when she saves the day Dolly Parton, give us money We’re no good, neither’s our country Dolly, you’re the business elite! If you don’t funnel funding, well, we’re fumbling, dumb, and crumbling Wish it was that easy The world’s always been burning I’m tired of believing That rich people could care about us Dolly, though I love you future doesn’t rest on The best of your intentions You’re just a single human Dolly Parton, give us money We’re no good, neither’s our country Dolly, you’re the business elite! If you don’t fix the system, well, it’s pretty much your fault
4.
Star Rek't 02:07
I love you but now I gotta know if you’d be into Star Trek You’re so cool I’m sure you’d choke it down But in my dreams you make us watch it Sprawled out on my couch we don’t make out we just fan out on spock only way i can feel like it’s 1969 again I’m not scared of how cool you seem I’m just depressed by who the world lets me be being a boy is a curse you see i’m so scared that this is just me silver little screen staring right through me no wonder i’m so lonely you’re so kind to me, but i’m just weak i’m so sorry i still watch it your unafraid kindness makes me realize i’m no monster but sometimes when i’m in you my body feels like a dagger I’m not scared of how cool you seem I’m just depressed by who the world let me be being a boy is a curse you see i’m so scared that this is just me i wanna tell you everything but if you saw what’s in my head i know you’re gonna hate me i’m so scared that you’re gonna leave me i’m so scared that this is just me
5.
I threw up when I realized what they did to ya You were just a kid in Breaking Dawn Then they made you strip to give us what we want Though I know it’s wrong, I’m obsessed with getting abs like ya Chugging protein shakes, exhausting runs I wanna be as jacked as you were as a child I just want a safer body! Blend in with the beefcakes just for the summer Strut out in a tight white t-shirt tear it off like Taylor Lautner in Twilight Eclipse I just want a safer body Eating just enough to force myself into a starvation I feel unwell and still my weight is up I wanna be objectified and fetishized I just want a safer body! Blend in with the beefcakes just for the summer Strut out in a tight white t-shirt tear it off like Taylor Lautner in Twilight Eclipse I just want a safer body I’ll get big enough to beat them up And we can double team those Hollywood perverts Pound them to the pavement Til there’s not a face left I will never trust another man I will never trust another man I just want a safer body! Blend in with the beefcakes just for the summer Strut out in a tight white t-shirt, i don’t know I just want a safer body! Blend in with the beefcakes just for the summer tear it off like Taylor Lautner in Twilight Eclipse I just want a safer body
6.
Big Mouth 01:19
scrolling violent porn on 4chan soaked in shameful emotions only way you knew to love And when you got to college used your classmates for practice Had a problem, but said you were getting better Now you’re pacing anxious typing out an explanation don’t say you don’t remember cuz I know you understand and friend, I get what you’re going through, I used to be that way We’re not such innocent big mouths, never were, shut it down Those times you never thought to ask Cuz everything just felt so right, your porno fantasy I know you’re selfish when you say that Every time you think about her you get stomachaches You’re not confused you just don’t care what you do Bloodlet your sorry selfish walking contradiction poison brain More than a mistake, you’re still the exact same I wonder, can people really change? You’re pacing anxious making it about you You’re not so innocent big mouth You’re not so innocent big mouth You’re not so innocent big mouth
7.
Shut Up 02:02
don’t tell me i’m wasting my time waiting for things to fall in line yeah, i get depressed and too sad to move on but not cuz i think it’s cool to feel like that shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya look at me and tell me you think I'm a good person please picking my nose, tell me the truth do I act dumb, do I look cute what if I told you I really don’t care that’s a lie, I’m scared and shy, I’m so obsessed with impressin’ ya shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya i remember the first time we met in real life and you tried to seem sweet and you gave me some of your green juice smoothie and i asked what’s in this green juice smoothie and you wouldn’t tell me you made it sound like it was because there was some secret but I think it’s because you didn’t know i think you just bought it from the market across the street i think you just poured it in a mason jar to make yourself seem like a big deal and you are one and i’m mad about it shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya shut up, shut up you think i’m stupid don’t ya
8.
Cruel 02:06
Just get out of our part of town You selfish clown And hand over your property You hide behind
‘Love is Love’ signs You seem so nice But all your friends are chosen whites How many people used to live here?
 And left ‘cuz they didn’t own a house and got priced out? And how many of those people who repeat that cycle Do you really care about? You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel Make no mistake, we’re gonna take back everything All you want are profits up and to be loved Well, I think you gotta choose one You’ll die a miser and a liar Did you know that money isn’t even real 

And how many people used to live here 
And left cuz they didn’t own a house and got priced out And how many of those people who repeat that cycle Do you really care about You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel Make no mistake, we’re gonna take back everything I'm not making a point, I’m just making a scene my intentions are good but i still get angry when you said you’re invested, you just meant you buy houses you’re the reason everybody leaves this city You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel Make no mistake, we’re gonna take back everything You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel You’re way too cruel Make no mistake, we’re gonna take back everything
9.
I’m into kindness Yeah, that’s my type It’s no high standard But you’re super nice Just tell me the truth Do I do it for you? I wanna be your pet You can leave me on your lawn leash me up and never call Do I sound desperate? Falling, falling, falling in love with you Never doing anything for you ooh, wee, ooh, i know i have some growing up to do Am I always gonna be ashamed i’m always tired work, sleep, repeat i push myself hard to prove I am sweet but I don’t hold you when I want to I’m sick of not cuddling baby, let’s run away Falling, falling, falling in love with you Never doing anything for you ooh, wee, ooh, i got some growing up to do Am I always gonna be ashamed
10.
Big Man 02:22
Today is my last day Being underpaid, man
 give me a raise or i’ll spill out ya secrets
 you do coke every minute but call poor people crackheads you throw chairs at the ceiling brag about meditating Oh, oh, don’t think I work hard?
 Oh, oh, quit skimming our tip jar Oh, oh, your ex-wife called If she knew the things you did She’d leave you now, oh wait, she did 
Big man, you look so strong but you’re so scared of everyone Big man, you seem so mean
 But you’re just scared of little old me you were born a winner you get off getting richer but you’re actually lazy good at looking important you’ll take over the whole world but you can’t take it with you everybody you screwed will be glad to forget you oh, oh, you’re lucky you’re handsome oh, oh, know why you date so young? oh, oh, you prey on everyone relinquish your small businesses we run this place, you’re just a dick Big man, you look so strong but you’re so scared of everyone Big man, you seem so mean
But you’re just scared of little old me

 I’m not out of line Just taking my time Why should I wanna work harder than you I just gotta lie Won’t survive otherwise You are the very best boss I ever had 

I get the feeling you hate me every day You only care about having it your way 
I’m not a robot, I am a human being with needs Do you believe in anything besides your money? If I was lazy, would’t mind selling out A simple slip, I’d fit right into your white boy posse clout I’m not a robot, I am a human being with needs Do you believe in anything besides your money? Big man, you look so strong but you’re so scared of everyone Big man, you seem so mean
 But you’re just scared of little old me
11.
Hurt Slow 03:22
You're making me hurt slow Stopping and starting over and over You get off on control Sometimes I wonder how I’ll recover But Rick’s still working in the junkyard with his friends He doesn’t care what’s cool, he’s doing it for him He gave up trying to be famous when he had his kids Ricky, you were keeping me whole Will you feel better when I say I didn’t want it to end? Cuz every time I tell the truth I hurt a little bit less You’re making me feel weird When I was younger, baby, I blew it I thought you would be here Sometimes I wonder, what happens after But Rick’s still working in the junkyard with his friends He doesn’t care what’s cool, he’s doing it for him He gave up trying to be famous long ago Ooh, Ricky, why’d I go? Will you feel better when I say I didn’t want it to end? Cuz every time I tell the truth I hurt a little bit less Will you feel better when I say I didn’t want it to end? Cuz every time I tell the truth I hurt a little bit less
12.
You flew straight in from DC Cuz grandpa might die in surgery You make so much money Don’t need us until emergencies 
Wish you lived closer Maybe we would still be buddies It’s just vague, faded memories When did we stop really hugging? You still shout out in your sleep? apologize profusely? Never talk about anything Well, you can cry with me There’s a day boys forget to love it is sudden & it’s subtle we stop holding each other long i don’t think i even noticed til i told you what happened that night somebody raped my body remembered why i love you brother, thank you for listening Do you still shout up in your sleep? apologize profusely? We never talk about anything Well, you can cry with me

13.
Luis 02:38
I love my friend Luis he is so tall sticks up his nose cuz he’s a know it all tells me just how he’s feeling so we can talk (and then we talk) figure out how to fix anything gone wrong luis tries so hard not to cry cuz he feels everything i like to wipe tears from his eyes while he’s wiping mine Luis, I love you we’ll get through the pain and suffering you’re why i’m still here my heart feels 10 sizes too big I love my friend Nico they seem so small I keep them in my belly, we’ll never part sometimes I get so angry, it’s no one’s fault Nothing on this cruel earth can tear our souls apart And we try so hard not to cry cuz we feel everything i like to wipe tears from your eyes while you’re wiping mine 123, just count with me and breathe I know you can 123, just count with me and breathe I know you can

about

(This record includes references to sexual assault. Take care.)

Caretaker is a largely autobiographical record revolving around childhood experiences of being hurt and misled by adult society.

Caretaker is a reckoning with the difficult realization that we are now among that very society of adults. We've experienced pain as children, all of us, and it is now our responsibility to pave a better world for ourselves and people we love.

The songs are about the relentless pursuit of a perfect body, the utopian dream of crying with your boy friends, and revenge fantasies of destroying everyone who ever hurt you.

credits

released January 27, 2023

recorded by jacob kirkwood
mixed by clay reid
mastered by tom woodhead

lyrics/songs by andy schumann
lyrics edited by denise zhou and bella olivo

bass by jd cupple and arfil pajarillaga
guitar by clay reid and andy schumann
drums by ben wolgamuth and jacob kirkwood
trumpet by wes meadows
bg vocals by sarah cuturic, dani o'sickey, clay reid, andy schumann, jd cupple, and antonio dejesus

cover art and illustrations by jack wedge
distributed by just because records

made possible by

priya khanolkar
hassan sayed
james harris
robyn newcomb
faith sims
audrey fratus
brian hotchkin
denise zhou
logan wenk
collin fijalkovich
joseph unger
sally fletcher
kevin o’reilly
dawne olivo
craig thorogood
nick morris
brian chambers
sara gutierrez
kate bertrand
spencer peppet
grace ritchie
julie olivo
dan ross
nick flasher
charlotte hisel
poulomi mukherji
andrew dembling
devon chodzin
jen weathers
emilee bertrand
tori molchak
david kennedy
james kelling
maya wanner
phillipe kogan
tim michel

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Total Downer Cleveland, Ohio

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